ADHD supporting information

Since my post last week, I have received so many messages about my ADHD. I thought i would share the letter i wrote to the doctors as part of my assessment. This was such an enlightening task for me. Before this i almost felt a fraud for saying i had ADHD as i don’t exhibit the hyper activity side of things much. Writing this letter was emotional to say the least. Remembering those times of overwhelm and the pain of masking for fear of looking stupid.

Saying i Have ADHD has been a huge liberator. I can reframe all those moments from the past as not a sign i was failing, but a sign there was something else at play that i didnt understand. Im not stupid. Or Lazy. I never have been. My brain just does things differently.

Understanding ourselves means that we can make better choices for ourselves and the other people around us. It means we can work out a more sustainable lifestyle that supports our energy levels. And i have learned theres nothing more important than sustaining our own energy.. when we do this, we can pour our hearts and souls into the things we love. And that is how we change the world.

If this letter triggers any thing in you, please feel free to reach out…

Re supporting evidence for ADHD diagnosis.

To whom it may concern.

As an initial point, it has taken over 3 weeks of procrastination to pick up the form from the doctors surgery.  Despite driving past the doctors many times.

Pre 12 years old.. I would say that ADHD manifested in me in a number of ways.

I was a deeply imaginative child and would find myself lost in a fantasy world or dream world.  I had elaborate worlds and sometimes would find the edges between reality and fantasy blur.

I was very chatty.. would get carried away talking and not notice the teacher required attention.  I hate to be told off.  Felt it was deeply embarrassing and shameful and would internalise the words used.

I was deeply messy.  I have always been extremely messy.  I would have my school books held up as an example of terrible work and poor handwriting. i graduated to use a fountain pen at school and then had it taken away as my writing was so messy.

I was extremely emotional and had a big temper at home.  I would react in an impulsive way if one of my brothers crossed a boundary or upset me.

I would hyper focus and could read a book in one sitting. Staying up all night to finish books because I couldn’t bare to leave the story.  I would not hear people talking to me when reading as I would be entirely lost in the pages.

I have always been a fidget..  would find it painful to sit still.. I would bounce my leg all the time to sooth… in fact, I would rock and bounce all the time. 

At senior school, I continued to be extremely messy.. would have my books and writing criticised by teachers.   I was hit by a teacher for absent mindedly marking a maths card.

Despite being intelligent I always felt I wasn’t achieving to the level I was capable of because of inability to focus.  I rarely revised and forgot homework.  I came out with average grades, but think I had the possibility to gain a much higher achievement.

Maths and science never really made sense to me and I found it hugely boring.  I loved drama, art and English.

I hated course work but did really well at exams.

At university, I lost out on my accommodation because I didn’t read the letter properly about accommodation.  I ended up having to find a house a week before term started.

I used to feel so overwhelmed about assignments.. id always start them early but would forget to finish them and then end up staying up really late try to finish, or a friend would help me structure my time to get them all done.

I ended up not doing my placement year because I couldn’t face the idea of doing the dissertation.

I never asked for help, because I felt so stupid.  I never spoke in class because I felt like I didn’t have a single clue about what was going on and didn’t want to let on how stupid I was.

My results were very average a 2.2.

When I started work I excelled.  I was really good at working and was entirely obsessive about it. I would get in super early and leave late..  But I hated doing the admin side of things.  Hated form filling which was necessary.  I would let things that were easy to fix, slide for a really long time..  I was terrified of making mistakes and getting into trouble.

I would sometimes burnout and have to take time off work to recuperate.

I would sometimes be bored for months at a time and get very little done.  Then I would be hugely motivated and hyper focussed and work obsessively to complete work. I had good support at my later job that helped me understand myself and work around my workstyle.

When I got married, I hated the planning, especially when it came down to the detailed minute plans.  I definitely didn’t get the wedding I wanted because it was too overwhelming to deal with the details.

Parenting was extremely difficult. 

When I had children, I found everything really overwhelming.  Felt like a bad parent.  Felt like I couldn’t understand my child like everyone else understood their children.  My house was always really messy.. I found it difficult to establish a routine.

When my second child was born I think I went through PND… I didn’t receive any support for this.  I couldn’t straighten out my thoughts at all.  My second child was very unhappy and I couldn’t access support.  I became overwhelmed and over stimulated by touch, smell and sound.

I felt for a long time that I was in a cloud where I couldn’t access reality.  I felt that I was depressed or anxious for a really long time… I think now that I was so overwhelmed everyday.

I found one thing will fill my head, and ill be unable to focus on other things.. Ie having children, I couldn’t focus on a job..

But at the same time I set up two businesses.

I now have my own business and struggle with all admin related tasks like accounting and tax returns. Filling forms in and doing basic things like updating my website and writing blogs.  In fact, ive hit a financial low at the moment because I have moved home and find myself distracted with so much home stuff and overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done.

I frequently miss appointments or dates with friends.. despite having a some organisation strategies.. I can still completely forget what I’m. supposed to do. My admin is a mess. My home is a mess.  I hate cleaning up or sorting out because I find it overwhelming.

I find too much noise really unsettling and makes my brain feel completely scrambled. I have a strong sense of smell that drives me crazy.

I hate long term planning or making plans in advance.  I much prefer to be spontaneous.

I take on lots of projects at once and don’t seem to have any concept of what can be realistically achieved.  I have recently started dopamine buying.  Bought a boat and a van on a whim.. and two new cats to add to our already 2.

I have a million ideas a day, but no real idea or energy of how to implement.

I am mostly extremely exhausted and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of life admin, kids school appointments and dates, holidays, birthdays, jobs needed to do around the home, the garden jobs, work and building a business.

I am overwhelmed by climate change and started by business to help other people learn how to make changes in their life that didn’t feel overwhelming.

Im fairly sure im coming up to peri menopause and finding all these symptoms are more extreme.  Sometimes I feel like my life is over because I have nothing else to give and I have tried everything.  I feel really unsuccessful.. and sometimes I am afraid for the future.

All in all, I’m exhausted. And I didn’t even know that this wasn’t “normal”.

NB.. As I write this, I realise that people who are fixing the road have blocked in my car as they are going to dig outside the house. I had no idea this was happening and have an appointment I need to drive to shortly. I guess I have missed a letter explaining this.